Gimme Your Best Response

1. Are you putting on weight? You face looks fat.

I think you have an eye problem.

2. You should wash your clothes in the expensive detergent. What you are using is not working.

I think my expensive washing machine is not working.

3. Are you sure you should be eating that piece of cake?

Why? Do you want a piece of it too?

4. You shouldn’t be friends with that person.

And I should be friends with you?

5. That shirt is not the right color for you.

It’s expensive so I am wearing it.

6. Why would you work at that crappy job?

Because the crappy job pays for the food your eating now.

7. You’re not cutting your steak correctly. This is how you should be doing it.

I think my steak likes the way I am doing it.

8. Is that all you do all day is sit on your computer?

Yes because I make more money doing it than you do!

9. You should use Pledge on the dust in your house.

I think water is enough.

10. When are you going to get married/have kids/get divorced (choose which one relates to you)?

My life is doing great. Maybe you need one?

11. I’m thinking about staying at your house for 2 weeks for my vacation.

That is great! Somebody will clean up the house and pay for the electricity!

12. When you are at the store will you get me 2 pounds of bananas and some bread? Oh, and here is some money so you can buy my mother some eggs, prunes and Depends. I’ll need separate receipts of course.

I think the money you gave me is not enough. I change $50 for the service fee.